Power Rankings 1/2 Way Pole

[GypsieDeathBringer]

I have no idea how I use to do these every 2 weeks.  Orange are playoff teams.  Normally there is some outlier that scores not many points but somehow sneaks into the playoffs and as you can see that isn't really the case this year.  The top 11 teams here contain our 10 playoff teams. The only mix-up is right at the tail end with the Blackhawks out scheduling the Sabres.

1.  Anaheim Ducks  previous #1  -  They are all the way up to 3 losses on the year which has to be some kind of testament to the tales of David vs Goliath;  David can beat Goliath exactly 1 out of 10 times, and you only hear about that 1 story because the other 9 times David was smashed into oblivion and wasn't able to tell his tale.  Goliaths don't brag after crushing Davids and Tyler doesn't brag about crushing all of us.  His team has scored 500 more points then the next team, which is roughly the differential between team #2 and #11.  Yikes.

2.  Detroit Red Wings  previous #2  -  Just when you think that the Red Wings veterans are over the hill and it is time for their youngsters to step up what happens is the veterans play amazing and then the youngsters play amazing as well.  Zetterberg and Datsyuk are carrying this team.  Voracek is playing great hockey on a dirt cheap contract. Jori Lehtera was a deft signing. Andrei Markov is having a resurgent season.  This team is deep and scary good on every front.  For a while they had 4 starting goalies.  If there was ever a disparity of equality in this league it is with the Scrooge McDuck style of hoarding they are doing with goalies.

3.  Arizona Coyotes  previous #5  -  If there was ever a team that just went all in, balls deep, on this season it is the Arizona Coyotes.  Paying premium prices for guys like Kopitar, Chara, Kunitz, St. Louis they are getting results.  Braden Holtby and Justin Abdelkader have each been a revelation.  Holtby is playing lights out goaltending under Trotz, while Halak might just be the luckiest goalie of all time going from the Canadiens, to the Blues, and then the Islanders AFTER they secured their defense.  You add all that up and you have a team that has been consistently outpointing teams all year long and it doesn't look like it will be stopping.  Much like my love for home made chili.  I've eaten it for every meal the last 5 days and I'll each it for every meal until it is gone.  Epic levels of butt trumpets. 

4.  Boston Bruins  previous #3  -  If you somehow had video evidence that the best goal tending tandem in the NHL this year would be Ondrej Pavelec and Michael Hutchinson I would've congratulated you on your amazing video editing ability and asked you to get to work on all those videos I either "didn't take" or "deleted" of ex girlfriends to make some quick cash (I never actually did that.  I respect women, and I didn't think that far ahead).  Turns out though they have been a dominant tandem and are taking the Bruins places along with Beleskey and his absurd 16% shooting percentage.  Now we also all have to contend with the dynamic David Pastrnak.   

5.  Florida Panthers  previous #4  -  This is how most of our luck goes as it comes to goalies.  You trade for a guy who is a starter now and will be for a long time, or you draft a guy and hope he becomes a starter in 5-7 years.  This is the royal flush that Capn Cally played.  Brian Elliot was the backup behind both Halak, then Ryan Miller.  Both of them left the team and Elliot is the starter.  Schneider was the backup behind Luongo and then traded to the Devils to be the backup behind Brodeur.  Now he is the starter.  Jonas Hiller was never like in Anaheim, everyone thought he was too old, then signed to the the Flames as their starter.  Alex Stalock is basically being given every chance to start because the Sharks don't trust Niemi in the playoffs.  Robin Lehner is also being given every chance to take over the starting position from Anderson, but he just can't seem to do it.  Royal Flush

6.  Carolina Hurricanes  previous #8  -  Ward and Scrivens either decided to not be the worst goalies in NHL history or their teams decided to not play the worst defense in NHL history.  Either way it is looking up for ole Gypsy.  Brodeur got his 2 weeks in the NHL this year and is now most probably done for.  Moulson needs to be traded ASAP out of Buffalo.  Him playing there is like if Stephen Hawking did not have his little electronic voice machine.  So much potential and purpose, but no outlet.  Matt Moulson is the voiceless Stephen Hawking of the NHL.

7.  Edmonton Oilers  previous #9  -  Brooks Laich is similar to that piece of fruit that looks so shiny and delicious.  It draws you in and then someone comes up from behind you clubbing you in the head while stealing your wallet.  He is on a high scoring team, he use to score points, but he just flat out doesn't anymore.  Rinne has encountered his yearly lower body injury and will be out until he can catch those life giving faeries from Zelda which should take 4-6 weeks.

8.  St. Louis Blues  previous #7  -  Last time I was all like man Steen, Kane, Perron, Backes have all been terrible.  These Blues are finally losing their zip, well since then every one of those players is averaging near or well above 3.5 pts a game.  Their theme song is clearly Back in the Saddle by Aerosmith.  Specifically that awful shrilly "I'm Back" bit that Steven Tyler sings.  Both the Blues performing well and that song instantly kill my libido. 

9.  Los Angeles Kings  previous #6  -  The Kings got smacked around by the injury bug a bit with Pearson, Toffoli, and Jacob Trouba who has played really well this year all going down.  Duchene, Landeskog, and MacKinnon have all played downright abysmal this year.  If they ever get far enough away from the dog house to forget the sound of Patrick Roy's voice they could turn this thing around.  But from watching Roy play I know there is no place to go.  He is everywhere and he is going to ride them into a fine yellow colored ice dust.
 
10.  Buffalo Sabres  previous #11  -  Coming on strong recently.  Bobrovsky has rounded back into form.  Enroth still plays for a horrible Sabres team, but they keep wheeling his emotionally savaged corpse out there between the pipes every night.  Colin Wilson has flat out been a machine, 18 points and a +14 in his last 15 games.  Nick Foligno is having an incredible season, and the only reason the real life Blue Jackets aren't fighting for a spot at McDavid, which is good and bad for them.  Ekblad has been as good as a defenseman can be while playing for the Panthers.  He is the kind of pick that the real life Oilers should have made.  They also have had the 2nd hardest schedule to this point.

11.  Chicago Blackhawks  previous #13  -  Straight running away with the easiest schedule. 

12  Washington Capitals  previous #14  -  Ovechkin is back big time, so I assume he is far enough removed from Olympic drug testing standards where he felt he could start using again.  Perreault is just blowing up in Winnipeg.  Backstrom is back to being one of the best pivot men in the NHL.  This Capitals team wasn't dumb enough to trade Forsberg for what amounted to a sack of scuffed marbles.  In the Capitals locker room the "Days From Last Mike Green Injury" is at an all time high.

We have reached that time of year where we have some Better Luck Next Year teams. 

13.  Colorado Avalanche  previous #10
14.  Toronto Maple Leafs  previous #15
15. Pittsburgh Penguins  previous #12
16.  Montreal Canadiens  previous #17
17.  Vancouver Canucks  previous #16
18.  Tampa Bay Lightning  previous #18
19.  Calgary Flames  previous #20
20.  Philadelphia Flyers  previous #19  -  Pretty much a shoe-in to get our leagues #1 pick. They have 600 less points than the Flames.

[Rob]

Coyotes and Panthers in the top 5!  I love it!

One of these teams is getting my GM of the year vote.

[snugerud]

 The Ducks are in beast mode  Tyler has been so dominate each week that stories are emerging about him match-up raping teams.  My own story goes like this,  Tyler and I were in a dead even matchup during the Dec 15-21st scoring matchup.  He asked if he could come over to my house, I though we were friends and I trusted him so I said sure.  Later that night he offered me a drink, next thing I know I am waking up and Tyler is in his bathrobe and is fondling my computer.  My lines were messed up and my roster was illegal that night.  I have been far too embarrassed to tell anyone up until this time but I wanted others to know my story so it doesnt happen to them..  HE PUT THE PILLS IN DA PUDDIN POPS

[Rob]

The Ducks are in beast mode  Tyler has been so dominate each week that stories are emerging about him match-up raping teams.  My own story goes like this,  Tyler and I were in a dead even matchup during the Dec 15-21st scoring matchup.  He asked if he could come over to my house, I though we were friends and I trusted him so I said sure.  Later that night he offered me a drink, next thing I know I am waking up and Tyler is in his bathrobe and is fondling my computer.  My lines were messed up and my roster was illegal that night.  I have been far too embarrassed to tell anyone up until this time but I wanted others to know my story so it doesnt happen to them..  HE PUT THE PILLS IN DA PUDDIN POPS

If you ain't cheating you ain't trying!

I can't help but root for Tyler.  I know he's a wagon, but he's got more Bruins than I have. 

[GypsieDeathBringer]

This is how you can tell a real NHL team is tanking.  The Hurricanes brought up Ryan Murray at the end of December and have been playing him around 18 minutes a game.  They went 6-4 in those games after being the 2nd worst team in the NHL up to that point.  They send him back down to the AHL, so he can "Get more minutes".  I love it.

[snugerud]

This is how you can tell a real NHL team is tanking.  The Hurricanes brought up Ryan Murray at the end of December and have been playing him around 18 minutes a game.  They went 6-4 in those games after being the 2nd worst team in the NHL up to that point.  They send him back down to the AHL, so he can "Get more minutes".  I love it.

my guess he will be brought back up after the all star break

[Rob]

This is how you can tell a real NHL team is tanking.  The Hurricanes brought up Ryan Murray at the end of December and have been playing him around 18 minutes a game.  They went 6-4 in those games after being the 2nd worst team in the NHL up to that point.  They send him back down to the AHL, so he can "Get more minutes".  I love it.

Is Capn Cally real life GM Ron Francis??

[norrya66]

1. Corey, great write-up!  I love looking at these rankings no matter where I am ranked.

2. Even though the normal "powers" (Tyler and Rob) are up there, it's nice to see some new blood.

3. Question:  How are the playoffs ranked.  Is it top 2 teams from divisions, points wildcard, etc??  I looked, but couldn't find anything.

4.  Tyler and Rob beat me up after I talked a little trash... 

[Rob]

The division winners get the top seeds. Best record determines seeds 5-10 with points as the tiebreaker.

[Tyler]

The Ducks are in beast mode  Tyler has been so dominate each week that stories are emerging about him match-up raping teams.  My own story goes like this,  Tyler and I were in a dead even matchup during the Dec 15-21st scoring matchup.  He asked if he could come over to my house, I though we were friends and I trusted him so I said sure.  Later that night he offered me a drink, next thing I know I am waking up and Tyler is in his bathrobe and is fondling my computer.  My lines were messed up and my roster was illegal that night.  I have been far too embarrassed to tell anyone up until this time but I wanted others to know my story so it doesnt happen to them..  HE PUT THE PILLS IN DA PUDDIN POPS

Snitches get stitches, Jared.....