POWER RANKINGS FALL 2013 1 OF MANY

[GypsieDeathBringer]

Fantrax now has a proper statistics section for our league which makes doing these Power Rankings even easier.  What doesn't make it easier is Profsl's super helpful login timeout.  I didn't click the log in forever box and instead timed out, but of course you don't know that until you go to click a link or you know post a super long power rankings.  So here is attempt #2, less funny and a lot angrier. 

Point spread  60 points from 1 to 4  ;  50 points from 4 to 5  ;  30 points from 5 to 12 (so very close)

1.  Blues  (4-0)  -  Much like the Kraken or Godzilla or lore the Blues are and indomitable beast.  We have summoned them with the lure of hockey competition and they have crushed us.  They have crushed us here, there and everywhere.  Evander Kane is scoring goals like the highly touted player he is and Spezza is playing hockey like someone who didn't break their back.  They are our lord and master, plead fealty now. 

2.  Red Wings  (3-1)  -  They just traded away Tavares for basically McDonough and Pacioretty (hurt) based on impact guys this year.  We'll see how that plays out as we go.  Luckily for them their gamble on Luongo has finally paid off and will smooth over any negatives from the trade.  2nd most points with Voracek being as productive as a urinal cake (or as I call them challenge disks).  These Red Wings will just continue to be a top 2 team right up until when it counts.  Burn.

3.  Ducks  (3-1)  -  What a frightening team.  It is like looking into the jaws of death itself.  If the jaws of death were a young fantastic hockey player that is still on the rise.  MacKinnon, Seguin, Tavares (a fantasy points vortex), Galchenyuk, Grabner, Ekman-Larson, Bernier.  Our only hope of competitive future is if all these guys quit hockey, start a rock band and have a meteoric fall from grace.  I'm talking VH1 "Where are they now" level of collapse in a year.  Bus crashes that sever limbs, drug addictions, STD's, and a whole lot of psychological trauma.  Sadly, I put the chances of that happening on par with Tyler ever losing in a trade.

4.  Hurricanes  (4-0)  -  What what!  These Fightin' Hurricanes are Shark Powered.  Couture and Pavelski have taken over and are carrying me with them.  Abraham Lincoln once said "Watch your back", well he didn't take his own advice but the rest of you should.  Backstopped by 2 goalies that face more shots than times I've fantasized about Emma Watson (after she turned 18, I just want to be clear), in Ward and Anderson.  My team will defy Rob's incredibly hurtful predictions and make the playoffs. 

5.  Kings  (3-1)  Way back when this league started and people picked teams.  I assume most of them chose who they did because they liked the team and thought the players were good.  Not Drew.  He couldn't wait to just cut the Kings apart and send them to the 7 corners of the world.  There are like 3 actual Kings on this team, but no matter because these fantasy Kings (great band name) score points. 

6.  Penguins  (1-3)  -  An early contender for the Bad Juju award.  They got stuck playing the Red Wings and Blues, which if you havn't noticed are 2 very good teams.  I'll use something my girlfriend says to me to describe this situation "Pretty good effort but you just didn't complete the job".  That is where the Penguins are at, tons of points but no results.  My girlfriend would also tell them "Yeah, i guess we can try again next week".  Try again Penguins.... try again...

7.  Canucks  (2-2)  -  Gilly must be putting his hands in his sweaty armpits and then sniffing them because he is a SUPERSTAR!  All those trades, saying to yourself "Really, you are trading them away?"  "You only got that in return?".  Well it has all paid off.  The Canucks are getting scoring from Marleau and Gaborik while their 5-hole is covered by Smith and the Blues goalie tandem.  They'd be even better if Boyle wasn't criminally assaulted in the head and Callahan was trying to get 50 goals in 50 games instead of break 50 bones in 50 days. 

8.  Avs  (3-1)  -  I don't remember what they traded to get Crosby but it couldn't have been enough.  The guy is leading the league in being the best player in the world.  He got Penner when Penner decided to play hockey (which he didn't do for me the last 2 years), and oh yeah he has Malkin and Perry.  Whoever this Klinkhammer is, he needs some endorsements while he is playing this well.  Reebok's skates drop the Klinkhammer on Bauer.  The ads practically write themselves

9.  Oilers  (2-2)  -  Dude must be a necromancer because he has resurrected the careers of Tanguay, Fleischman and Hornqvist to fantasy relevance.  Ribeiro and Vrbata are steady contributers, while Rinne has found his form again and the Ducks goaltending tandem.  All that adds up to many fantasy points.  But can it hold out?  My guess is that resurrection spell wears off after the Olympic break. 

10.  Capitals  (3-1)  -  Owner of the 2nd softest schedule so far and the ugliest hockey player in the entire universe.  Seriously, Ovechkin is so ugly that he doesn't have to use birth control, his face has a higher reliability of preventing kids.  So, far the seasons biggest surprise is Perreault.  He went from being a mediocre player playing under that bowling pin shaped coach, then to Adam Oates and then being a goal scoring threat for the bowling pin guy again.   Backstrom has to be on the top of the list for league's least threatening shooters.  He has just forgotten how while force feeding every puck to Ovechkin

11.  Canadiens  (2-2)  -  Being led by guys like Lars Eller, Tommy Wingels, Dave Bolland, and Andrei Markov you might say that success can't last very long. And I'd agree with you, and we'd probably be right, but that is why they play the games.  And that is why tons of people lose tons of money gambling.

12. Bruins  (3-1)  -  Pray Rob, get on your hands and knees and pray that Matt Niskanen doesn't get traded when Letang comes back, because I doubt Niskanen will be scoring 4 fp/g playing for the Oilers or Flyers.  Getzlaf is still good at hockey and bad at keeping his hair from receding.  Mike Richards is still bad at everything.  Now lets step into this soundproof room and talk about something (*Martin Brodeur is too old to be a starting goalie, and probably too old to be in the NHL.  I'm glad we get this whole year to watch him be terrible and stain how dominant he was for so long.  Then we get to see what kind of sinister stuff he does in his home life; he is too nice, clearly up to something).

You are all now excused.  Some folks below this have winning records and some don't.  Keep on rubbing those rabbit's feet and throwing quarters in the wishing wells (everyone knows quarters have more wish power).

[Mr.TradeKing]

 :thumbsup:

It's going to be a long season for :BUF-NHL: , but we have a lot of youth on the team that points to a bright future.

~MTK

[Rob]

Aw man that sucks.  Attempt #2 is excellent, as usual.  So I'm sure attempt #1 was legendary.

I appreciate you extending these ranks to the 12 ranked team so that I am mentioned

[Mr.TradeKing]

I appreciate you extending these ranks to the 12 ranked team so that I am mentioned

:BUF-NHL: needs that 24-team power ranking  :rofl:

~MTK

[papps]

Great write up! My Flyers are off to a horrible start! Injuries and a slow start are killing me!  :doh:

[izaman3]

Good write-up Gypsie. Knowing my luck, Tavares is going to be my downfall in the playoffs, and its not like I need anymore of a struggle there.

I really should be undefeated though... I lost that one matchup by so little. Darn you LA!  :soapbox:

 :rofl:

[snugerud]

I am lucky to be 3-1 ,  My team has been only OK to start the season with Dubbi struggling harder than someone trying to figure out if "Pat" was a boy or a girl ,  I am slightly regretting trading away Halak.....

[Tyler]

AHHA, I have to say i really like my team, but after an insane week 1, week 2 was a little slower and the Mighty Hurricanes plowed me !!

Hope Niemi and Bernier can hold up because my goalies past that point are quite porrus!

[-BA-]

Great write up.

Panthers must be really bad if my Caps had the 2nd easiest sched at the time since we played 3 of the teams ranked ahead us us in the standings in the first 4 games.

We will try and grind out wins with our depth of 2.5 pt per game guys.

[Tyler]

Well.... I feel a drop for me after getting steamrolled by BOS and CHI this week and my team pooped to bed with only 3 goals all week