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« on: March 25, 2013, 12:57:48 PM »
Start off by saying the bottom half of that playoff bracket is a meat grinder.
1. Detroit Red Wings (12-7), previous 3 - Their hybrid team of young and old, and plentiful goalie starts have carried them to the top team in these here rankings. They had the most points last week, so they are peaking at just the right time. The only thing that stands in front of them and total victory is operator error and perhaps some treachery. I've tried to login to his fantrax using all of my favorite passwords, Lemieux66, DetroitSuckCity, PhiladelphiaIsWorseThanA#$&*##*%^*#()#*!$!^##%^, but none of them worked. Your roster is safe.... for now.
2. St. Louis Blues (15-4), previous 1 - They had a bit of a sour patch, and by that I mean they actually ended up losing a few games. The team with the best record, 2nd most points, easiest schedule, a beautiful head of hair, and doing it all without Jason Spezza. Rest up Blues because in a weeks time you'll be playing me and I don't think you can handle the level of embarrassment you are going put me through.
3. Colorado Avalanche (14-5), previous 4 - Kovalchuk got hurt and is disappearing just when Snugerud needs him the most. So, you know Kovalchuk is doing what he does every spring. He must've seen his shadow, which predicts an early exit. Luckily out with Kovalchuk and in with Malkin who is nearing return from a shoulder injury. These Avs have played well enough to earn a 1st round bye which will give Malkin enough time to recover, come back, and dominate everyone's face.
4. Boston Bruins (14-5), previous 6 - They made some bold trades to get some players to bring them the cup this year. Will it pay off? The trades coupled with one of the most forgiving schedules has brought them this far and Rob is hoping his shiny new goal scorer, Sedin, can push them over the top. He is probably also hoping Perry doesn't lose control of his mind and get suspended for another week, everyone Perry plays also hopes that.
5. Carolina Hurricanes (12-7), previous 2 - In a toilet bowl swirl to the bottom my team is struggling bad. The Canes, normally not in contention have started to mix their summer activities, golf, with hockey. Unfortunately scoring the least is only good for one of those sports and not the one that helps me win. I traded for a goalie who apparently heals at the same rate as those kids that needed Rasputin as a doctor. At this point it is looking like eating poisoned cake, wine, being shot, beaten and drowned is a better outcome than what my team has a chance at this playoff season.
6. Anaheim Ducks (12-7), previous 5 - quack, quack, Quack, QUack, QUAck, QUACk, QUACK!!. The Estevez is strong with this group. He has Bernier who is stealing starts from Quick, Emery who hasn't lost all year and Vokoun who is playing on the hottest team in the NHL. He is going to be a formidable matchup in the playoffs with all those extra goalies. In a deft trade he also picked up Loui Eriksson who must've been embarrassed into playing better after Jagr and Whitney were showing him up on a nightly basis.
7. Chicago Blackhawks (14-5), previous 7 - What is going to make or break the Hawks playoff run is if Marian Hossa can stay healthy or not. With him the Hawks are tough to beat because he gets all the other Hawks players points, without they are that much less dynamic and easier to defend. You know, defend, like what I am doing as this league's champion.
8. Toronto Maple Leafs (9-10), previous 9 - Snuck in after the Oilers fell on their sword. This team is the very embodiment of hot and cold. One week the worst the next week the most points scored. It will be ugly good or bad for the Leafs when they play. My guess is they stay hot after the real life Leafs get something at the trade deadline and then watch out as Lupul pumps goals in your net and shoulders into your head.
9. Philadelphia Flyers (10-9), previous 10 - The little engine that could. They were assaulted with fantasy points by opposing teams last year. This year they got a fair shake and made the playoffs. Their goalie tandem of Bryz and Miller makes them consistent, but they are going to need Hartnell to wash off the funk he is in to be a real challanger. Sadly, judging by his appearance Hartnell hasn't washed in months. He looks like an afghan someone uses instead of a plate to eat fried chicken, just a sweaty, greasy, untangled mess of fabric.
10. Los Angeles Kings (11-8), previous unranked - Still my dark horse team. They have 3 starting goalies with Hiller taking back the starting job from that turncoat Fasth. If Jamie Benn picks his play up I wouldn't want to be playing them. Price is too afraid to lose and face the harsh french canadian words of Iron Mike Therrien, a man so severe in teaching lessons his own children sent themselves away to boarding school.
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