There was a time where I knew all the players for all our teams here, but that time is no more with so many teams switching places. It reminds me of a scene from the great great move "Baseketball"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivzrbp_WR8wI think I've shared this before, but this is Pandemic times and I remember nothing before Covid and I can't see a time after it.
So, here is the current standings of our league with some nonsense comments that may or may not be about each one of them.
1 - New York Islanders (9-1) - The Islanders, or as I call them old Maple Leafs in my head because I treat this league like Fight Club and the first rule of this league is nobody else I know cares about it to be able to talk out loud with, are sitting in first place firmly on the shoulders of Matthews and Marner. Matthews was on pace for 50 goals and Marner an 80 pt season in 52 games.
2 - St. Louis Blues (8-2) - Currently lapping the league in pts scored. Shooter is like King Midas except everything Shooter touches either scores goals or saves them.
3 - Arizona Coyotes (8-2) - The rebuild is officially complete. Rebuilt to be better, faster, stronger these Coyotes have 13 skaters at or above 3 pts/g with the oldest player being 24 years old. May our new overlord be gentle in their spanking of us for the next 6 years.
4 - Los Angeles Kings (7-3) - Connor McDavid had a stretch of 8 games where he had 20 real life NHL pts. Clearly absurd. I am too young to have watched Gretzky and Lemieux in their prime, but those old bastards did that for years. What a special thing it would've been to see every week.
5 - Pittsburgh Penguins (7-3) - The Eichel trade has so far not been revolutionary for my team, but that is what happens when you put your faith in any part of the NHL Sabres. If I wasn't a Pirates fan I'd say they might be the single worst franchise to invest even a single minute of one's time.
6 - Seattle Kraken (7-3) - Lafreniere has 1 pt in 13 games. Kakko has 3 pts in 12 games. This is why proven modest production will nearly always beat hopeful high end production. *Looks at Erik Karlsson's numbers* Or, maybe not. Hockey doesn't make perfect sense. Probably better to yell "shoot the puck" and "stay in your net" like my 5 year old instead of trying to predict things.
7 - Chicago Blackhawks (7-3) - Jeff Petry has to be the most underrated player. Dude just crushes year after year. Also, when did Di Giuseppe make it back onto this team? Past mistakes repeated over and over genuinely bring us on par to NHL GMs.
8 - Winnipeg Jets (7-3) - Nathan MacKinnon is shooting 4% and yet he is still averaging almost 5 fantasy pts/g. What a monster. I cannot wait for him to sign his $11m contract this off season, so I can pick the bones of these Jets.
9 - Washington Capitals (7-3) - With the NHL schedule being divisional play I've seen alot of Ovechkin versus the Penguins and firmly believe if he wants to he will be the all time leading NHL goal scorer. He is still fast enough. His shot is still a thing to fear. Dude is one of a kind. You know, that one kind of dude that will always be in Crosby's shadow.
10 - Vancouver Canucks (7-3) - Jonathan Quick is playing a strong game in the Who Wants To Be The Worst Goalie. Right up there with Matt Murray and Tristan Jarry. At some point you just have to bring in the 40 year old equipment manager to see if it is the team or goalie (probably both).
11 - Philadelphia Flyers (6-4) - I have a secret to share. I found a magic lamp with an actual genie in it. The Genie gave me 3 wishes and the first wish I asked for was to keep the Flyers at just a little over .500 every single year. To give them a taste, but never a full bite. My 2nd and 3rd wish was to never hear my children whine at me. Sadly my children's power is stronger than ancient magic. Wishes wasted.
12 - Toronto Maple Leafs (6-4) - Andrew Copp is the perfect example of giving a guy more minutes and them just stepping into the role perfectly. Then he'll crawl back under his 3rd line rock with Dubois on the team, but until that time rock on Copp.
13 - Anaheim Ducks (4-6) - Bergeron may actually be a cyborg sent from the future to play faultless 2-way hockey.
14 - Colorado Avalanche (3-7) - Brad Marchand may actually be a failed Canadian super soldier where they cross bred animals and people. They just always turned out to look like people, but act like animals. They were not helpful on the battlefield, but made effective hockey players.
15 - New York Rangers (3-7) - Kreider is having trouble scoring goals since he signed his big money contract and changed the composition of his stick to pure gold.
16 - Buffalo Sabres (2-8) - Sometimes there is just one lonely little firefly brightening a team's spirit. For the Sabres that player is Jordan Kyrou. Fluttering about with his butt aglow.
17 - Detroit Red Wings (1-9) - When Brandon Tanev is your best player it is time to plan for next year. Oh no... that tracts with the NHL Penguins as well.
18 - Ottawa Senators (1-9) - Much like their NHL counterpart these Senators are looking towards the future.
A future where undersized skilled hockey players can compete on equal footing with slow footed giants. A future where outright racism and bigotry gets you kicked out of the league. A future where beer, which is mostly just water, does not cost $8 a cup, or for that matter where water doesn't cost $4 a bottle at sports events. A future where you can watch sports in person. Ah... the future sounds grand. Rant over.
19 - Vegas Golden Knights (0-10) - Joel Eriksson Ek has a ridiculous name, but a non-ridiculous 8 pts in 11 games with completely sustainable metrics. He looks like the real deal and could lead these Knights in guarding the Islanders reign at the top for the next 5 years.
20 - Boston Bruins (0-10) - Much like "nobody can out pizza the hut". Nobody can out "be the most futile hockey team" the Bruins. Setting the leagues lowest point total in a week with 19 to begin this year.
