Orange teams are playoff teams. Things are getting down to the nitty gritty and there is starting to be some separation, but playing 2 games a week makes it pretty tough to count anyone in or out just yet.
1. (30-4)
St. Louis Blues previously 1 - Even though it is hard to count teams in the playoffs I am going to go ahead and assume the Blues will make it. Call it women's intuition or just common sense (those 2 are the same thing, but when a woman uses common sense it is something special and thus a different name (i apologize if any women are in this league)) they are going to make it. I can see Shooter sitting in front of his fireplace with some crudely made advent calendar that instead of counting down to Christmas it is counting down to the return of Stamkos. Shooter's belly is full of the tiny candies that come in those things and his palms are getting sweaty in anticipation like a teenage boy about to take off a bra for the first time.
2. (24-10)
Anaheim Ducks previously 2 - The Ducks had a down week 2 weeks ago, and then this past week decided to drop a Carmelo Anthony sized amount of points on the league. They scored 238 points, which according to my vast research is the most points in a normal length week this year (Bruins had the most ever in a normal week at 256 points). MacKinnon has 10 goals in his last 15 games or as a Canadian fan would say a loot of goals (accent joke). I don't watch any Maple Leafs games, but this is how I imagine it goes. Bernier gets to the rink a little early and builds a small brick wall to put in front of his net. His craftsmanship isn't the best, so a few goals will obviously sneak in but it keeps most of the pucks out. Then he skates it to other side to start the next period. That is the only way he can have the save percentage and wins he does with the defense that is in front of him. The only way.
3. (24-10)
Detroit Red Wings previously 4 - *Izaman sings to the tune of the Tommy Knockers Song* Late last night and the night before, Hurricanes, Hurricanes knocking at my door. I want to win the division, but I don't know if I can, 'cuz I'm so afraid of the Hurricane man. Just as I start to catch the Red Wings in the division I have a rash of injuries not unlike the rash they faced. The Red Wings got Zetterberg back and are getting Datsyuk back soon, so I'm sure they will go back to throttling me and everyone else. Side note Datsyuk hasn't played since January 1st for the Red Wings but is going to play in the Olympics. That seems like a pretty big spit in the eye to the team that has made him a millionaire many times over. If I were the coach I'd do what the Amish do and give him the silent treatment hard.
4. (29-5)
Boston Bruins previously 5 - As a point of comparison I went and looked at what the Bruins record would be if they had the schedule the Blues had; they would be 23-11. Almost every team would have a worse record in such a comparison, but it is interesting to see that even though the Bruins are Blues closest competitor how it could be so very different and how crazy good the Blues team is this year. Mike Richards has 8 points in his last 25 games, Daniel Sedin has 11 in his last 22 games, Heatly 12 in 23, and Rask is 8-6 in his last 14. That probably isn't going to continue so I expect a big push by these Bruins in the next month. Also, Matt Niskanen is going to get so overpaid this summer. I'm talking Brian Gionta, Wade Redden, Michael Cammaleri, Danny Briere levels of over paid.
5. (24-10)
Carolina Hurricanes previously 7 - If you had to guess who has the longest current winning streak you might guess the Blues, Ducks or Bruins, but you'd be wrong. It is the Hurricanes. Why else would I bring it up under my team's section? Apparently a "win" means going at least 1-1 in a week and I've done at least that for 8 consecutive weeks. I bring that up at the exact time the karma and hockey gods are getting together to have a big raging party, and then shower down golden droplets of warm humility on me. Mmmm body temperature liquids from the sky. Cam Ward was recently seen to be taking shots on the ice, unfortunately they were shots of a clear liquid he was claiming was water, but his breath told a different story. PLAY HOCKEY YOU BUM!
6. (21-13)
Colorado Avalanche previously 3 - The hard luck loser in the Dubnyk trade. I bet old Snugs thought boy the Predators don't have a starting goalie, they traded to get a guy who was starting for the Oilers surely he will become the starter there. He would be wrong. Dubnyk is obviously so bad Trotz can't start him over Carter Hutton who has played 29 career games. Not a ringing endorsement. Not like he needs him now that these Avs have collected most of the top real life Penguins players. Also who is Cam Atkinson? And how is a guy who is 5'7" scoring at a 30 goals a year pace? If I would've known short Americans can make it in the NHL I would've devoted my life to hockey instead of collecting an STD in all of the original 13 colonies. If George Washington can do it, so can I. Honestly, I realized I was up to 8 and figured might as well go for all of them. That is the never say die spirit my dad didn't instill in me by leaving when I was 4 (none of that was true, made it up for a laugh. I am disease free and flush with dads.)
7. (19-15)
Chicago Blackhawks previously 6 - Suffering from a nasty case of the DNHL Championship hangover being so close to not being in the playoffs. I know how that goes. You win, and people are just throwing drugs and women at you. They just want to be around such an impressive specimen of man. A beacon of hockey knowledge. Then you start believing all the hype, how you are better than everyone, your team is the best ever and won't be beat for a decade. You take your eye off the prize and start making unsound free agent signings. Get a tattoo of your fantasy team's MVP's face, Eric Staal, over top of your face. You try to get an STD in the 13 original colonies. Oh god.... the price of victory is steep, but worth it.
8. (20-14)
Washington Capitals previously 8 - Alex Ovechkin leads our league in fantasy points, but can he throw these Capitals on his back and take them to the promised land? Well he just might because as it turns out when a goal is worth 4 points that is vastly more important in fantasy terms then in real hockey where it is still just worth 1. I heard a new strategy the Caps are going to use is when Ovechkin is "playing" defense what they are going to do is just have him lay is stick in front of his goalie to stop pucks, skate to the bench to get a new one and just wait there until the caps can pass the puck up to him, because that is more effective then him actually trying to be a well rounded player.
9. (21-13)
Edmonton Oilers previously 9 - They have opened a 2 game lead in their division. Unfortunately I just read that Rinne has just been cleared for "weight bearing workouts". How is he supposed to play this year if he can now just begin lifting things, you know like the weight of his body when he has to dive and split to make saves? My guess is these Oilers are going to be without Rinne for the year and that is going to cost them a chance to go all the way. Next year they will be as prepared to win this championship as the pilgrims were to survive on their own in the new world, mildly.
On the Bubble Teams
10. (17-17) Pittsburgh Penguins
previously 11 - Really sad that Harding is having trouble with his MS (Abbreviated because I have no idea how to spell it out). These Penguins would for sure be in the playoffs if he was healthy. I wish the dude the best of luck. I prefer to see players end a season for on ice issues instead of off ice.
11. (16-18 Los Angeles Kings
previously 10 - They are currently looking up at the Canucks for a spot. If Quick can get any sort of goal support I think they could sneak in, but the Kings always have problems scoring, so I doubt that is likely.
12. (17-17) Toronto Maple Leafs
previously 15 - What the what? You might not believe that a team with no real starting goalie could be making his way to the playoffs, but these rascals are that close. With Howard doing his impression of late era Chris Osgood, that has given rise to Gustavsson getting plenty of starts and Cam Ward has been over taken by Khudoban the stars are aligning for Jmtrops. They are my pick to get the 10th spot.
13. (19-15)
Vancouver Canucks previously 13 - They are thriving by beating up on their divisional foes. I don't think it is going to be enough though as the Leafs are breathing down their neck like Jason from the Halloween movies.
14. (15-19) Phoenix Coyotes previously 14 - A real boom or bust team. Have had some really great weeks and then some real duds. Too many busts and too many teams to leap frog over to get in the playoffs this year.
Bad Luck Brian's
15. (14-20) Montreal Canadiens
16. (6-28) Philadelphia Flyers
17. (13-21) Tampa Bay Lightning
18. (9-25) Buffalo Sabres
19. (0-34) Florida Panthers
20. (2-32) Calgary Flames
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