I think I will do my inspirational Power Rankings again this year for 4 reasons:
1. Because I imagine the world is sadder and colder without them.
2. Because people need to know in numerical form how good they are truly.
3.
??
4. Make profit.
THE UNTOUCHABLE
1.
St. Louis Blues - A team so potently amazing they can impregnate your wife/girlfriend/sister/mother with a handshake. I don't see one weak spot on their roster. I was going to offer them a trade and thought to myself they are already perfect.
SECOND FIDDLES
2.
Los Angeles Kings - 2 starting goalies and a superstar at every skating position. A bounce back season is in their future for sure.
3.
Chicago Blackhawks - Every one of their defensemen is better than your best and with 3 starting goalies their team is as solid as the nearly certain future case against Byfuglien for drinking and driving some motor vehicle. If the youth they have at forwards takes a step up this year a repeat of having the best record is very possible.
4.
Carolina Hurricanes - The real life Hurricanes added Jordan Staal and Alexander Semin which can only make my boys Skinner and Captain Staal believe more in the powers of dream boards. Plus this is the off year where Ryan Whitney plays a whole season instead of missing it. Game on!
5.
Detroit Red Wings - Real and fake Red Wings took a big hit with Lidstrom retiring, which impacts every players +/- and Jimmy Howards stats. I doubt bringing in Carlo Calcovaici (spelling
) is going to fill that massive void, but Izaman can cross those fingers! No team in our league is both as old or as young as the Red Wings are so lets see how that mishmash goes.
6.
Anaheim Ducks - Besides the Oilers this has to be the youngest team we have. So much youth, so much talent. Tyler has got to be like a Freshman College English professor taking young ones under his wing and hoping for a big pay off.
7.
Colorado Avalanche - If Ilya Kovalchuk every comes back to this continent the Avalanche are my pick to win it all. Only for the fact that would indicate Evgeni Malkin went berserk and that is the stuff of a Pittsburghers day dreams. Anyone else hear Vladimir Putin offered Ovechkin, Kovalchuk, Malkin and Datsyuk each $30 million in cash to stay and play in the NHL??
MAYBE COULD BE'S
8.
Edmonton Oilers - They are going to be a terrible real life team again this year but absolutely stunning for fantasy purposes. These oilers have Rinne backstopping them and the Oilers forwards just harassing goaltenders. A true dark horse if their d-men can pull their weight. Chant "Yakupov. Yakupov" in a thick Canadian accent.
9.
Boston Bruins - Tuuka Rask's groin and knee is clearly not looking forward to his forced ascension to #1 status is good or bad for Rob. I do know not getting Khudobin is going to bite Rob in the tuukas (play on words).
10.
Pittsburgh Penguins - Prepare to be amazeballs at Sidney Crosby. Creator of Candy Land and NHL playboy. Brail reads itself to Crosby. If Beau Bennet sticks on either top 2 lines this year I can see these Penguins sneaking into the playoffs.
11.
Washington Capitals - Backstrom is back and the Caps have a coach that realizes his players would be more effective if they were scoring goals instead of trying to block shots and play defense because they do the last 2 things about as well as me trying to defy gravity and dunk a basketball... on an 8ft hoop. If Mike Green and Anisimov play up to their potential the Caps could rumble into a playoff spot.
12.
Vancouver Canucks - Wonder Twins powers unite! Gain Daniel Sedin and lose Ryan Kesler = Canucks have an identical point total as they did last year. Cory Schneider is possibly putting on his big boy pants and being the lead dog this year. I bet that goes over as well as this government trying to pass a single piece of legislation (i.e. not well).
13.
San Jose Sharks - If we were running an experiment this would be the team that proves or disproves the need for depth. 22 players strong; they will go as far as the real life Sharks take them. A real model of Capitalism, why pay 30 men $75 million when you could pay 22?
SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S A CHANCE
14.
Philadelphia Flyers - They set a record for finding the largest albatross in the world and they named it Ilya Bryzgolav. Dubinsky got hosed and had to trade in his Blue and Red uni while playing in a wonderful vibrant city to play for a Blue and Red team in a state so repugnant Indians paid the Pilgrims to take the land (history may not show that to be accurate).
15. Tampa Bay Lightning - Anders Lindback might be the first guy ever disallowed to play goalie because it isn't fair to the other players how big he is. Everyone was fine with him doing it every now and then as a backup, but they will think twice now that he is a starter. He would've just been the worst to play backyard hockey with. Clearly never being asked to play with the neighborhood kids has fueled his passion to stop pucks for money.
WISH ON A SHOOTING STAR
Stars, Leafs, Sabres, Jets and Canadiens - I don't even think there are any bad teams in the league any more. These teams all have crazy good young guys that will be future superstars just not yet. Just. Not. Yet.
Thoughts?
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Halloween